My Home

I woke up this morning craving a cup of noodle so I went downstairs and boiled up some water. While I was waiting for the water to heat up I took a look around my kitchen and noticed something I never saw before. Rusted pots and pans, old microwave, broken screen door, and a worn out rice cooker. I've lived here for 5 years and never took a second glance as to where i really lived. I grabbed my cup of noodle and walked past the living room, busted heater and an old ragged carpet, same deal. Went up the stairs and into my room, took a look around and started to eat. As I was eating I started to realize how much of a middle/lower class family I really was in. Now don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for everything I have indefinately. I didn't care about that, my parents do the best they can to raise me and my sister and they do it well. What really got to me was what I was doing to make this home a better place to live in. I was so busy focusing on getting my own life started I never openend my eyes to what mattered most. Giving my family the luxury they deserve, a place they would be proud to call home. How could I start my own life without being assured that my family would be okay. I never truely understood what being responsible is all about and I hope that everytime I walk out my door I'm reminded by whats important.

Colors

I love colors, they're clear and obvious. I mean they aren't confusing or too difficult to read. Its a lot like my life right now. Allow me to elaborate. First off brown is a neutral color, it also compliments white and black, and in my current world no other colors exist. The brown represents me, while the black and white represent all the events that occur during the day. The white, show the positve. The black, the negative. Whatever totals up more creates the final mood for the rest of my day. It is summarized by those two colors. Since my mood is easy influenced by my surroundings, being the color brown I adapt to these changes . Now if I would have to call my past anything, I'd name it grey, since its a mixture of both. Pretty basic. However I know my life wont stay simple for long, not for a cool minute. You see the future has a way of adding color into my life, and those three colors will change. Life is never that clear and I know there will always be something out there to complicate matters. I call them colors.

The step forward

I went to hang out with a good friend of mine today. Everytime we hang out, its usually at a coffee shop or a hooka joint. He's the kind of friend that you can talk to about anything. Deep conversations that barrel down to the core of the subject. The difference between then to now was the conversation we had. It was like any other conversation, except for his attitude. He seemed more determined, telling me about his accomplishments despite all the troubles in his life right now. Instead of hating the world, he flipped it to his advantage. Maybe something happened, an epiphany perhaps, I don't know. Whatever it was, it was inspiring and I loved every minute of it. It fills me with joy to know how much has changed since the day I met him. The holiday spirit? A change for the new year? Permanent or temporary, it doesn't matter. What matters most is today.
The step forward, not backward.

My Christmas present

There are a lot of things that I want; jeans, ps3, hdtv, ipod, new bed, faster computer and much more. I don't really need them but it would definately be nice, nothing to make a priority out of though. Actually there is only one thing I truely wanted for Christmas, a day with her. I knew it was unlikely but still I hoped for it, I can't help it. Little did I know I soon got what i wished for. Pay close attention, you see I got what I wanted but it wasn't real, nor was it fake. It was a dream, but a dream so strong it felt real. Real enough to be in both worlds. In my dream I had a day with her, and although I can only recall certain parts of my dream, I remember them in such vivid detail. I could feel her hands touch mine as I heard her speak, it was unexplainable. It didn't matter if it was a dream or not because It was real to me, I embraced what I could until I woke up to the sound of my sister. I got what i wanted..

Sometimes you get what you want, just not the way you wanted it. And maybe sometimes, we're so busy trying to find what we want, a certain way, we miss it completely. It has a way of doing that to us, life that is.

My Christmas

Not an extravagant Christmas, but enough to make my day. A family dinner just like any other night out with the only difference being a holiday, Christmas. Looking back on today I noticed how hard I was trying to make everything feel special. From spending time with my family to just chatting online with my friends. I appreciated them more, plus I felt happier. Honestly, if today wasn't Christmas it would be like any other day. Except for that sense of joy I felt (which is rare). I guess its all in the attitude you bring.

Why is it when you put a title on a day such as Christmas (disregarding religious purposes) people are genuinely happier? If only everyday was a holiday. We'd live in a better place, and no one would have to work.

Merry Christmas =]