Innocence

I used to be such an emotional child. I would watch movies and cry everytime it touched my soul. I was so passionate about life and the people in it. I always gave the benefit of the doubt and trusted so easily. I was full of positive life and ambition. There was a sparkle in my eye and purity in my heart. I had big dreams and spectacular goals. Life was grand, until it hit.

My heart hardened. I saw the evil in people and my dreams became clouds of pollution. My heart turned to stone and my ambition became nothing but an idle word. My perspective of life changed and my outlook of this world grew cold. I realized how much corruption, hate, and evil can exist in this world and of these people. I carried a blanket of my own sin and grew comfortable in it. I committed sin and I witnessed sin. I became desensitized to cruelty and injustice.

What happened to this world? This amazing world that I was born into? My heart aches.

Mental Agitation

Unfiltered and uncensored. The impulsive irrationality. Uncontrollable thought; logic. Pure, raw, and passionate. Heart pounding, blood rushing delusions of grandeur. Fallacious explanations followed by acts of ridiculous measures. Double edged blade; metaphoric -love, hate. Stomach churning, heart dropping, emotional sleeve wearing reality. Pain swallowing, spirit withering euphoria. Cold sweating, knee shaking vomit of expression. Verbal stuttering, tone rising, witless inarticulacy. Confidence exuding concealment of the insecure. Loveless love. Fairy tale dreaming. Truth dawning, grieving soul. Pain inducing. Strength testing. Barrier breaking, art fulfilling respective perspective. Feel it.

Shrouded

If individual life was a crystal ball, your vision would be from the inside looking out. The things you do and the actions you make are perceived to you, as being reasonable. Yet outside this crystal ball I can't read your thoughts or see the imagines that play inside your head. But the soul speaks in many different ways by the faces we make, the tears we cry, and the tones in our voice.

Display case

More often than not we're distracted from our priorities by something new. Distracted from the people that really matter by meeting new and interesting people. Distracted from our goals by the fun and entertaining side of life. Our priorities are placed on the back burner while we lavish and favor the new.When those distractions fade. When those new people turn out just to be a flavor of the week. When what used to be fun becomes dull. We return back to what we have temporarily abandoned. Is it then that we realize what our true priorities are? Or do we just sit around waiting for the next new thing to come around?

Mental obstacle

Lately I've been have a bad case of writers' block. I'm not talking about a three day hiatus either. This has been an on going problem for me during the entire month. Its frustrating how something I love so much is limited by my own capabilities. Its these words that boggle me. Using the same words feels like I'm in a never ending circle of redundancy. I want to break up with my old words and form a new relationship with another. I try so hard using different synonyms when just the usage of one would suffice. It feels that if I don't continue to try and expand my knowledge of words, I'm stuck writing about the same thing in the same format. I really need to flex my creative muscle and fully experiment with words. Why do I love words so much? Because the simple structure of a sentence can very well change the entire meaning of it. Wording is crucial in getting your message across with the desired intention.

Her

Every chance I get to spend with my mother puts my worries at ease. It magnifies my already unconditional appreciation and love for her. Her warm soul pours out of every smile and laugh, radiating around her. Her aura illuminates her beauty in her body and soul. . She is not only my mother, but my friend and role model.

Still waters

After months of distraction and procrastination I return back to my former state of desperation and anxiety. The desperation to find a job, and the anxiety that is my future. I'm 24 turning 25 this year. It would be impossible to ignore my future any longer. My life direction and success is built upon a foundation that we call youth. Like every child we follow a path. We go to school to get a degree. We get a degree to a job. And we get a job to start our own life. Watching many of my peers head in this direction while I stand idly by is depressing and all the more frustrating. Now I ask myself, "what is it that they do, that I do not?". How did so many of them get so far while I'm stuck like a graduate just out of high school? A college education would most likely be the cause of my lack of progression in life. Except not all of my friends took the standard route of college and still made it successful. So I ponder deeper to try to figure out what I'm missing from this bridge between here to there. How can I get over to that side of the grass? Perhaps its the mold that is my home keeping me still. So many years of comfort and security. How could I possibly break away from something I've been so accustomed to?
The only truth I know is today.
While tomorrow will be my step forward, whenever that day appears.