Is it wrong to be impulsive? To act as you wish, to say as you wish? If only it was that easy; to be able to say how you truly feel inside without bearing the consequences. What's worth the risk? How do you determine what is? Is that why drunk calling is so common, to do as you feel while being able to give yourself an excuse for it? Perhaps it depends on the person, but in my short lived experience it seems apparent that being rational provides better results. But what if life isn't about being rational, maybe life is about taking chances; taking risks on what you find important. Is it selfish to say how you feel? How many angles must you consider before being able to speak your mind? Having so many factors involved in just saying what you want, it seems logical to simply keep your mouth shut. Which is where one problem ends and another begins. I believe life is full of forks in the road and it's not always about the choice you make but more of the reason as to why you chose that choice. Perhaps then we can learn just a little bit more about who we are.
My glimpse of eternity
My Glimpse of Eternity
By: Betty Malz
Unborn Son
On October 9, 1985, RaNelle Wallace and her husband tried to fly their single engine airplane through a snowstorm in central Utah. They crashed against the side of a mountain, causing the plane to catch on fire. RaNelle Wallace was Burnt over 75% of her body, in severe pain she struggled for her life. She climbed down the treacherous mountainside to seek for help. After giving all that was left, she finally let go of her life when the paramedic said, "Stop fighting, well do all the work for you!" RaNelle Wallace died, six hours after the plane crashed. She made a journey to the other side, having her life reviewed and meeting her grandmother. Her grandmother showed her paradise, but urged RaNelle to return to her body. In this excerpt from her book The Burning Within, RaNelle is faced with a decision to stay or leave.
---------------------------
Grandma waved her arm and the ground opened before us. I looked and saw a person lying on a hospital bed surrounded by doctors and nurses. The person's face was bandaged.
"You will never be the same, RaNelle," Grandma said. "Your face will be altered and your body filled with pain. When you go back, you will have years of rehabilitation ..."
"When I go back?" I looked at her. "You expect me to go back?"
Sudden understanding came, and I looked at the person on the bed. The arms were spread wide, and both arms and hands had been sliced in several places to allow the fluids to drain into plastic bags.
"Is that me?" I was horrified.
"Yes, RaNelle, it is you. You will be badly scarred . . ."
I became frantic. "Grandma, I'm not going back."
"Your children need you, RaNelle."
"No, no they don't. They're better off with someone else. I can't give them what they need."
"It's not just your children, RaNelle. You have things to do - things that aren't finished yet."
"No, I'm better off here. I don't want to go through all that." I pointed to my body. "I refuse. I want to stay here."
I sensed my grandmother's awareness that time was growing short. "You must go," she said. "Your mission isn't complete."
"No, I'm not returning to that body! I'm not going back."
In response, my grandmother swept out her arm and commanded: "Look!"
A rift opened in the space before us, and I saw a young man walking toward us. At first he didn't seem to understand why he was there. Then he saw me and looked stunned.
"Why are you here?" he said almost in disbelief.
As I remained silent, his disbelief changed to grief, and he began crying. I felt his grief, his sadness, and I too began crying.
"What's the matter?" I asked. "Why are you crying?"
I put my arms around him, trying to comfort him.
"Why are you here?" he repeated.
Then I understood that my refusal to go back to earth was causing his sadness. I belonged on earth for him, I understood, and I immediately felt guilt for my selfishness.
His name was Nathaniel, and he hadn't been born on earth yet. He said that if I didn't go back, his own mission would be hindered. Then he showed me his mission, and I saw that I was to open doors for him, to help him, to encourage him.
"I will complete as much of my mission as I can," he said, "but I will never fulfill it without you. I need you."
I thought my heart would break. I was a part of his puzzle, and I was hurting him and everyone he would help by refusing to go back to earth. I felt a great love for this young man, and I wanted to help him in every way I could.
"Oh, Nathaniel," I said, "I swear to you that I will help you. I will go back, and I promise that I will do everything I can to do my part. I will open those doors for you. I will protect and encourage you. I will give you everything I have. Nathaniel, you will complete your mission. I love you."
His grief was replaced with gratitude. His face lit up, and I saw the great spirit he was. He was crying now with gratitude and joy.
"Thank you," he said. "Oh, I love you."
My grandmother took my hand and drew me away. Nathaniel watched me leave, still smiling, and I distinctly heard him say, "I love you, Mom."
My spirit was thrilled, but I couldn't respond to him, as things began happening very quickly.
"RaNelle," Grandmother said, "there is one more thing I need to say to you. Tell everybody that the key is love."
"The key is love," she repeated.
"The key is love," she said a third time.
Then she let go of my hand, and the word love reverberated in my mind as I left her and fell into a deep blackness. I was crying as I left the world of light and glory and love.
The last thing I saw was her outstretched hand.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
RaNelle's near-death experience ends here when she returns to her burned body in the hospital. About seven years later, she gave birth to a son whom she gave the name Nathaniel. She states that she often sees expressions on her son's face that are remarkably similar to the Nathaniel she met in heaven.
By: Betty Malz
Unborn Son
On October 9, 1985, RaNelle Wallace and her husband tried to fly their single engine airplane through a snowstorm in central Utah. They crashed against the side of a mountain, causing the plane to catch on fire. RaNelle Wallace was Burnt over 75% of her body, in severe pain she struggled for her life. She climbed down the treacherous mountainside to seek for help. After giving all that was left, she finally let go of her life when the paramedic said, "Stop fighting, well do all the work for you!" RaNelle Wallace died, six hours after the plane crashed. She made a journey to the other side, having her life reviewed and meeting her grandmother. Her grandmother showed her paradise, but urged RaNelle to return to her body. In this excerpt from her book The Burning Within, RaNelle is faced with a decision to stay or leave.
---------------------------
Grandma waved her arm and the ground opened before us. I looked and saw a person lying on a hospital bed surrounded by doctors and nurses. The person's face was bandaged.
"You will never be the same, RaNelle," Grandma said. "Your face will be altered and your body filled with pain. When you go back, you will have years of rehabilitation ..."
"When I go back?" I looked at her. "You expect me to go back?"
Sudden understanding came, and I looked at the person on the bed. The arms were spread wide, and both arms and hands had been sliced in several places to allow the fluids to drain into plastic bags.
"Is that me?" I was horrified.
"Yes, RaNelle, it is you. You will be badly scarred . . ."
I became frantic. "Grandma, I'm not going back."
"Your children need you, RaNelle."
"No, no they don't. They're better off with someone else. I can't give them what they need."
"It's not just your children, RaNelle. You have things to do - things that aren't finished yet."
"No, I'm better off here. I don't want to go through all that." I pointed to my body. "I refuse. I want to stay here."
I sensed my grandmother's awareness that time was growing short. "You must go," she said. "Your mission isn't complete."
"No, I'm not returning to that body! I'm not going back."
In response, my grandmother swept out her arm and commanded: "Look!"
A rift opened in the space before us, and I saw a young man walking toward us. At first he didn't seem to understand why he was there. Then he saw me and looked stunned.
"Why are you here?" he said almost in disbelief.
As I remained silent, his disbelief changed to grief, and he began crying. I felt his grief, his sadness, and I too began crying.
"What's the matter?" I asked. "Why are you crying?"
I put my arms around him, trying to comfort him.
"Why are you here?" he repeated.
Then I understood that my refusal to go back to earth was causing his sadness. I belonged on earth for him, I understood, and I immediately felt guilt for my selfishness.
His name was Nathaniel, and he hadn't been born on earth yet. He said that if I didn't go back, his own mission would be hindered. Then he showed me his mission, and I saw that I was to open doors for him, to help him, to encourage him.
"I will complete as much of my mission as I can," he said, "but I will never fulfill it without you. I need you."
I thought my heart would break. I was a part of his puzzle, and I was hurting him and everyone he would help by refusing to go back to earth. I felt a great love for this young man, and I wanted to help him in every way I could.
"Oh, Nathaniel," I said, "I swear to you that I will help you. I will go back, and I promise that I will do everything I can to do my part. I will open those doors for you. I will protect and encourage you. I will give you everything I have. Nathaniel, you will complete your mission. I love you."
His grief was replaced with gratitude. His face lit up, and I saw the great spirit he was. He was crying now with gratitude and joy.
"Thank you," he said. "Oh, I love you."
My grandmother took my hand and drew me away. Nathaniel watched me leave, still smiling, and I distinctly heard him say, "I love you, Mom."
My spirit was thrilled, but I couldn't respond to him, as things began happening very quickly.
"RaNelle," Grandmother said, "there is one more thing I need to say to you. Tell everybody that the key is love."
"The key is love," she repeated.
"The key is love," she said a third time.
Then she let go of my hand, and the word love reverberated in my mind as I left her and fell into a deep blackness. I was crying as I left the world of light and glory and love.
The last thing I saw was her outstretched hand.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
RaNelle's near-death experience ends here when she returns to her burned body in the hospital. About seven years later, she gave birth to a son whom she gave the name Nathaniel. She states that she often sees expressions on her son's face that are remarkably similar to the Nathaniel she met in heaven.
Light filled with knowledge
Embraced by the light
by: Betty J. Eadie and Curtis Taylor
"That's when I saw my body for the first time, and when I realized I was no longer a part of it. Until this moment, I'd only seen myself straight on, as we usually do, in mirrors and photographs. Now I was jolted by the strange sight of me in profile from four feet away. I looked at my body, the body I knew so well, and was surprised by my detachment. I felt the same sort of gratitude toward my body that I had for my old winter coat when I put it away in the spring. It had served me well, but I no longer needed it. I had absolutely no attachment to it. Whatever constituted the self I knew as me was no longer there. My essence, my consciousness, my memories, my personality were outside, not in, that prison of flesh."
by: Betty J. Eadie and Curtis Taylor
"That's when I saw my body for the first time, and when I realized I was no longer a part of it. Until this moment, I'd only seen myself straight on, as we usually do, in mirrors and photographs. Now I was jolted by the strange sight of me in profile from four feet away. I looked at my body, the body I knew so well, and was surprised by my detachment. I felt the same sort of gratitude toward my body that I had for my old winter coat when I put it away in the spring. It had served me well, but I no longer needed it. I had absolutely no attachment to it. Whatever constituted the self I knew as me was no longer there. My essence, my consciousness, my memories, my personality were outside, not in, that prison of flesh."
Day
I put on a great show. As the audience cheers I feel a sense of warmth and relief. My job is done. But as the curtains drop so does my smile. I walk out the door and step into my car. With idle expressions like the engine I started, I head to my dreary home. Arriving to a house of silence my hand reaches for the stereo. The music slowly sings through the speakers as my thoughts begin to empower me. I start to write, expressing written explanation of buried emotions. No pity from this pencil, no hugs of reassurance from the sounds of these speakers. I politely express my true self without the distortion of attention seeking and pitiful words of care and concern. Late night draws near as I close these words to a finish. Laying in bed, staring upon the watchful eyes of God, I fall asleep. For tomorrow is a new day, but still my pencil and stereo awaits. Anxious to hear of what the day has given me. Anxious to read what thoughts I express. Anxious to know how I feel in my heart.
Sociology 101
people watching
selfish behavior
the cool factor
want verse need
logic behind feeling
self evaluation
emotional walls
the mask and the world
pain over pleasure
action for reaction
choice and fate
beauty or beauty
mind over matter
equations of love
thoughts in my head
no structure.
selfish behavior
the cool factor
want verse need
logic behind feeling
self evaluation
emotional walls
the mask and the world
pain over pleasure
action for reaction
choice and fate
beauty or beauty
mind over matter
equations of love
thoughts in my head
no structure.
Baz Luhrmann Inspires
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience…I will dispense this advice now.
1. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.
2. Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
3. Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
4. Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
5. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
6. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
7. Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good.
8. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.
9. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
10. Do one thing everyday that scares you
11. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
12. Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s
13. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
14. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience…I will dispense this advice now.
1. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.
2. Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
3. Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
4. Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
5. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
6. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
7. Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good.
8. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.
9. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
10. Do one thing everyday that scares you
11. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
12. Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s
13. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
14. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…
God Bless You
For about a month I've been trying to hear God. Books on how to listen to him, and when he speaks to you. I've spent nights closing my eyes, hearing the voices inside my head. Days watching the world, waiting for something to reach me. Prayers, to help me hear his word. In this book I read, it stated that his thought will always be the clearest voice in your head. So I dug inside myself trying to listen, trying to hear. To no avail. I was unable to tell the difference between him and my conscience. It was difficult to understand what I really heard and where it came from. I gave up with a bitter disappointment.
One day I was walking into video 94 when I saw a homeless man out in front. Paying no attention to him I get out of my car and walk towards the door. "Hey man can you spare a couple of coins so I can buy a tamale?" he'd say as I got closer." yeah no problem" I quickly reply. I walk over to my car to grab some coins and close the door. I start walking towards him jingling the coins in my hand. " You know what, hold on" I' say to him. I take out my wallet and grab two dollars, handing it to him along with the coins " God bless you" he says to me. I end the conversation with a smile and walk into the video store. When I get back to my car I think about what just happened and what he said, "God bless you". The entire conversation I had with the man occurred without thought nor hesitation. "His voice will always be your clearest thought" I'm reminded. I smiled, started the ignition, and left.
One day I was walking into video 94 when I saw a homeless man out in front. Paying no attention to him I get out of my car and walk towards the door. "Hey man can you spare a couple of coins so I can buy a tamale?" he'd say as I got closer." yeah no problem" I quickly reply. I walk over to my car to grab some coins and close the door. I start walking towards him jingling the coins in my hand. " You know what, hold on" I' say to him. I take out my wallet and grab two dollars, handing it to him along with the coins " God bless you" he says to me. I end the conversation with a smile and walk into the video store. When I get back to my car I think about what just happened and what he said, "God bless you". The entire conversation I had with the man occurred without thought nor hesitation. "His voice will always be your clearest thought" I'm reminded. I smiled, started the ignition, and left.
Business view
So far my life has been going pretty well, and I hope I won't make any mistakes to ruin it. I've learned how important networking is in the business world and how beneficial it can be to your success. Public speaking is a great asset to have in your arsenal as well as confidence. However, the politics at work are like an adult game you need to play in order to advance in your career. Like there are these unwritten rules, or should I say guidelines, one must follow in order to become successful. I hope I'm wrong, and that hard work and dedication are the keys to success, not all the glamour one presents.
My Home
I woke up this morning craving a cup of noodle so I went downstairs and boiled up some water. While I was waiting for the water to heat up I took a look around my kitchen and noticed something I never saw before. Rusted pots and pans, old microwave, broken screen door, and a worn out rice cooker. I've lived here for 5 years and never took a second glance as to where i really lived. I grabbed my cup of noodle and walked past the living room, busted heater and an old ragged carpet, same deal. Went up the stairs and into my room, took a look around and started to eat. As I was eating I started to realize how much of a middle/lower class family I really was in. Now don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for everything I have indefinately. I didn't care about that, my parents do the best they can to raise me and my sister and they do it well. What really got to me was what I was doing to make this home a better place to live in. I was so busy focusing on getting my own life started I never openend my eyes to what mattered most. Giving my family the luxury they deserve, a place they would be proud to call home. How could I start my own life without being assured that my family would be okay. I never truely understood what being responsible is all about and I hope that everytime I walk out my door I'm reminded by whats important.
Colors
I love colors, they're clear and obvious. I mean they aren't confusing or too difficult to read. Its a lot like my life right now. Allow me to elaborate. First off brown is a neutral color, it also compliments white and black, and in my current world no other colors exist. The brown represents me, while the black and white represent all the events that occur during the day. The white, show the positve. The black, the negative. Whatever totals up more creates the final mood for the rest of my day. It is summarized by those two colors. Since my mood is easy influenced by my surroundings, being the color brown I adapt to these changes . Now if I would have to call my past anything, I'd name it grey, since its a mixture of both. Pretty basic. However I know my life wont stay simple for long, not for a cool minute. You see the future has a way of adding color into my life, and those three colors will change. Life is never that clear and I know there will always be something out there to complicate matters. I call them colors.
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