Fear of the X

I fear the trivial things in my life, and as I sub consciously over-exaggerate and emphasize my so called terrors, they build up to a level so high, I run from the world. I've been running from my life for so long, I found my home in fear. But now I need to overcome my horrors and deal with them head on. However in order for me to do so, a driving force is necessary to motivate me to take action. How can I be strong enough without a will and a why?

I cannot afford to hide in fear anymore. I will not watch my family go through life with such tribulations. I will make something of myself and conquer these obstacles, I have to. Too long have I hid, too long have I ignored my responsibilities. I'm tired of living in fear and I refuse to do it any longer. I deserve more than this, my family deserves more than this.

Dear God,
give me the strength to be strong,
help me gain the courage to fight my inner demons,
and stand by my side as I walk through this path of uncertainty.

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference"


I must not fear x,
for x is the variable in my life,
and I will solve this equation.

A written thought of tomorrow's yesterday

I seem to have lost all direction in life. What could of once lead to a fascinating career has now dissolved into a dream of the past. I find myself in this state of pause more often then not. But time slows down for no one, and as I put my life on hold, everything else moves forward. I stand still in an ever-changing world. Where will I be when its all said and done. Redundantly writing about my glory days of what could have been, or reviewing my written thoughts of when I stood still in a moving world.

i

I am a man of many words. I write what I feel and I feel whats in my heart. I have mixed decisions caused by conflict between my heart and my brain. I've grown insecurities from the natures of society. I cannot determine reality from fantasy in this world. I've filtered my likes and dislikes through trial and error. I've created my own assumptions and judgemental thoughts based off my own life reflection. I've forgotten real beauty. I remember pain. I'm on a lifelong endeavor to find myself. I embrace fear. I appreciate the meaning of being "different". I cannot define Love. I despise human greed. I admit to my own acts of selfish behavior. I can never understand people. I believe everyone has a sense of moral fiber. I hope to be a better person. I pray for the children of our future. I love to love. I fall under the influences of todays cool. I admire self value. I fear the unknown. I pretend to know. I know to pretend.

Wordly advice for the linguist

It was reported that the great American author Sinclair Lewis was once asked to give a lecture on writing to a group of college students: "Looking out at this gathering," he said to the assembled students, "makes me want to know how many of you really and truly wish to become writers?" Every hand in the room went up. Lewis looked at them for a moment and then folded his notes and put them away. "If that's true," he said, "then the best advice I can give you is to go home and write." He then turned and left the room.

Self sabotage

Sometimes we purposely create ourselves to fail. Fear of responsibility, consequences, or just a simple disregard towards what lies ahead. Granted that we know they're unavoidable, we still make that choice. Its so simple to blame everything else. Its so easy to justify our actions with a convincing excuse. How can we rectify such irresponsibly ways? Could it be that we all mature at our own pace, and the mistakes we make are necessary in this process? Or is that just my own, convincing excuse?

Premature decisions

I used to enjoy writing so much. It made me feel smart and articulate. Well worded and smooth. But now I can't even put a simple sentence together without giving it so much thought. My effort to be creative and different fall short of my expectations. My insistent push to spit out something creative only hinders my already limited vocabulary. Its so difficult to be in a job that expects so much of me. Being overly confident of my writing skills made me believe I could do this job, but I'm not so sure anymore. I made a human mistake and underestimated what I thought I could handle. I'm capable of being better than this. However my short lived college education may very well be my downfall. I need to go back to school to properly learn and increase my growth. I don't mind hard work, I just mind my own sloth. My twisted predicament to be yearning for a job I don't even take it seriously anymore. How many times have I avoided confrontation and responsibility? Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult just yet.

But I guess don't really have a choice now, do I?

False witnesses of you and... you

Sometimes I see certain parts of my ex in her. I meet people and they remind me of someone else. Everyone I see is beginning to look like a person I know or once knew. Except when it comes to you. But I must admit there were times I tried to find you in other people. I fool myself into believing she looks, acts, or even thinks the way you do. But I know, I'm only kidding myself. Because truth be told, there isn't anyone like you.

Living under the radar

restless thoughts in my head
for i fear the future
taking this path down my life
curious of what comes next
unforeseen situations
with predictable outcomes

i want to hide.

Warning

Once or twice, never the thrice. heed my words, my words of advice. forgive and forget or better not yet. walk and walk till your feet grow numb. sit on a chair, better than dumb. repeat as followed until you concede. its times like this, that show what you need. times like this, that you just don't need.

Wary of words.

watch what you say
whats said out of you
words are just words
and then they come true.

verbal action from those lips
leads straight to the heart
a cynical beauty
the poet, their art.

risk what you say
and then what you do
words are just words
until they come true.