i

I am a man of many words. I write what I feel and I feel whats in my heart. I have mixed decisions caused by conflict between my heart and my brain. I've grown insecurities from the natures of society. I cannot determine reality from fantasy in this world. I've filtered my likes and dislikes through trial and error. I've created my own assumptions and judgemental thoughts based off my own life reflection. I've forgotten real beauty. I remember pain. I'm on a lifelong endeavor to find myself. I embrace fear. I appreciate the meaning of being "different". I cannot define Love. I despise human greed. I admit to my own acts of selfish behavior. I can never understand people. I believe everyone has a sense of moral fiber. I hope to be a better person. I pray for the children of our future. I love to love. I fall under the influences of todays cool. I admire self value. I fear the unknown. I pretend to know. I know to pretend.

Wordly advice for the linguist

It was reported that the great American author Sinclair Lewis was once asked to give a lecture on writing to a group of college students: "Looking out at this gathering," he said to the assembled students, "makes me want to know how many of you really and truly wish to become writers?" Every hand in the room went up. Lewis looked at them for a moment and then folded his notes and put them away. "If that's true," he said, "then the best advice I can give you is to go home and write." He then turned and left the room.

Self sabotage

Sometimes we purposely create ourselves to fail. Fear of responsibility, consequences, or just a simple disregard towards what lies ahead. Granted that we know they're unavoidable, we still make that choice. Its so simple to blame everything else. Its so easy to justify our actions with a convincing excuse. How can we rectify such irresponsibly ways? Could it be that we all mature at our own pace, and the mistakes we make are necessary in this process? Or is that just my own, convincing excuse?

Premature decisions

I used to enjoy writing so much. It made me feel smart and articulate. Well worded and smooth. But now I can't even put a simple sentence together without giving it so much thought. My effort to be creative and different fall short of my expectations. My insistent push to spit out something creative only hinders my already limited vocabulary. Its so difficult to be in a job that expects so much of me. Being overly confident of my writing skills made me believe I could do this job, but I'm not so sure anymore. I made a human mistake and underestimated what I thought I could handle. I'm capable of being better than this. However my short lived college education may very well be my downfall. I need to go back to school to properly learn and increase my growth. I don't mind hard work, I just mind my own sloth. My twisted predicament to be yearning for a job I don't even take it seriously anymore. How many times have I avoided confrontation and responsibility? Maybe I'm not ready to be an adult just yet.

But I guess don't really have a choice now, do I?

False witnesses of you and... you

Sometimes I see certain parts of my ex in her. I meet people and they remind me of someone else. Everyone I see is beginning to look like a person I know or once knew. Except when it comes to you. But I must admit there were times I tried to find you in other people. I fool myself into believing she looks, acts, or even thinks the way you do. But I know, I'm only kidding myself. Because truth be told, there isn't anyone like you.

Living under the radar

restless thoughts in my head
for i fear the future
taking this path down my life
curious of what comes next
unforeseen situations
with predictable outcomes

i want to hide.

Warning

Once or twice, never the thrice. heed my words, my words of advice. forgive and forget or better not yet. walk and walk till your feet grow numb. sit on a chair, better than dumb. repeat as followed until you concede. its times like this, that show what you need. times like this, that you just don't need.

Wary of words.

watch what you say
whats said out of you
words are just words
and then they come true.

verbal action from those lips
leads straight to the heart
a cynical beauty
the poet, their art.

risk what you say
and then what you do
words are just words
until they come true.

What kind?

I believe that people should accept me for who I am. Despite all my flaws and vices appreciate me as a whole. I ignored criticism and welcomed compliments. There was nothing wrong in my way of thought. However certain situations arise, as we grow older, that causes us to slightly shift our mentality. Being accepted for who you are is important in every way. However, being content is never enough, at least for me. I wanted to grow, I wanted to learn. And as much as I want to be accepted for who I am, I wanted to accept myself even more.

I came to believe that there are 3 types of people in life. The good kind will accept you in all shapes and sizes. Reminding you that you're fine just the way you are. The bad kind will scold and criticize you, telling you what you need to fix according to them. Now the great kind, are the kind of people who will not only accept you for who you are, but also make you want to better yourself. Perhaps unappreciated in that moment but realized over time.

And so, we wonder how to spot the good from the great.

Just listen

People are either talkers or listeners, never the both. When you spend most of your time doing one thing, you're not doing the other. Talkers tend to miss the obvious signs, lacking the attention to the small tidbits that might deem useful in the long run. The listener's remain quiet, barely voicing their own opinion without having the chance to speak freely. I admit that I am indeed a talker. Yet I have those moments where I just stop to listen. Perhaps its my brain telling myself to pay attention for once, giving myself a chance to listen, not hear. And in that I find things about people that I haven't noticed before. People love to talk, especially about themselves.

"Everyone is just waiting for their turn to talk. It is only when death is upon you that they truly listen to what you have to say."
-Fight Club